Finding Your Authentic Self - 4

When we open spiritually to find our true authentic selves, we will realize that the way we see the world, people, and authorities will change as we change our perspectives on the world at large and our own lives. The world is a chaotic playground that may feel safe at times, but it never really is. It is always chaotic. The changing factor is you. As you start questioning your beliefs, you will also begin to see through facades and understand the conditioning you have been going through, as have your parents and all the generations who came before. This conditioning has been done by the closest people in your life all the way up to the rulers of the world.

The power to change how fulfilled or content we are lies within us. The power is in questioning our points of view as well as the people and circumstances in our lives. We are able to find our own happiness and fulfillment, no matter what is going on around us or who is ruling the world because we have the power to change ourselves and our circumstances regardless of what they currently are.

We are free to make choices that are better suited for us based on the realizations and discoveries on this journey to finding our true selves. These changes may come in phases. Some very small and others could be big and sudden, depending on what we realize and ultimately, what we desire.

At some point in my own journey, I realized how wrong I was in my job in the insurance industry. It became so blatantly clear and the more I realized this, the more my body reacted badly every time I had to go into the office, until I got to a point where I said, enough. I cannot do this anymore, and so I quit. The quitting wasn’t fast, and it wasn’t all that sudden, but it was inevitable. You may not have to make sudden big changes because you realize you are meant to be in a different place or doing a different kind of work. Look at the situation from all angles, maybe you won’t have to do something as drastic as quitting your job. Maybe many smaller changes will appeal to you and are easier to deal with. But, if you truly come to the conclusion that a certain situation doesn’t work out anymore (and this applies to job, relationship, etc.), please be gentle with the people involved. Be sure you have a solid plan to move to. You don’t have to have everything figured out, but you should know the next steps to take and be open and patient for things to fall into place for you.

When it comes to relationships, change can be very painful, but sometimes, we come to the realization that some relationships or friendships or partnerships will no longer work. The spiritual journey and your personal changes may also mean that people will no longer understand our perspective and friends may leave us behind. This is disappointing and painful, but there is always a reason for people leaving or entering our lives. Sometimes, it is obvious, at other times it isn't. It can be quite painful regardless, but it will make room for new experiences and relationships that are better suited for the new you!

Let’s talk about why change is necessary.

In short, if we are not willing to change we WILL miss out on opportunities. Nobody is born perfect. It takes time to discover who you truly are, learn and grow. And sometimes, difficulties are in our lives for us to overcome and learn the lesson. Actually, if we stop thinking, why are certain things happening to me and replace it with the question, what lesson is this situation teaching me, we are well on our way to better!!

 Let’s look back at the beginning, and to get there, let me ask you a question: Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend or a buddy who has made you constantly feel bad or inadequate? Someone who makes you feel like you’re lacking something and who makes you believe that you are not pretty enough, or not worthy enough, or not able enough, or successful enough in life? At some point, maybe you realized that you have been manipulated and treated with disrespect, you have had enough and broken up with this person. Maybe it took you a while to get back to yourself and decided that you no longer believe the lies you were told by this person? You took your power back by claiming you are good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, worthy enough! It’s hard, isn’t it?

What about your early childhood? The people in your closest space, the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally and take care of you? What if they have instilled these thoughts of not good enough in you. And you don’t even realize that this happened because you were young and didn’t know better?  This needs more exploring of who you really are and how you can live a fulfilling and rewarding life and have relationships that are supportive of who you are.

Your task now is to get to know yourself. The real you. You may have ideas you always wanted to explore. You may find books that talk about spiritual experiences. There are numerous blogs, meditations, podcasts out there that can be helpful. It is equally important to go inside your mind, to find quiet spaces and moments. Our subconscious mind holds all memories from this lifetime and others. In order to dip into this knowledge, we must be still and mindful and meditate for deeper understanding of ourselves.

I talked earlier about the importance of keeping a journal because, when you open your subconscious mind, you will have new thoughts, ideas or old persistent thoughts that deserve your exploring. On this journey, a journal is the tool you really need. Any crystals, herbs, or other things that call for ritualistic behavior are optional. Do what resonates with you. For some, crystals are magical energetic objects, and for others they're pretty rocks.

I want to go back to the early situation in our lives and the influence of our families. As stated earlier, from the moment we are born, we are being conditioned to conform to our communities, our families, and the societies we live in. Our families, who are also conditioned to conformity, do their best to raise us to fit into a society they believe is best or cannot be changed. They do the best they can with what they know. This is hard to understand when there is obvious abuse that happens so often in families and may seem as a contradiction to the statement that our parent are doing their best. However, abusive parents probably experienced abuse themselves and have not taken the opportunity to get to know themselves and heal their traumas. So, abusive parents also do their best in an unhealed way. I hope this makes sense. And here, you are making a difference, when you decide to heal not just for yourself, but you touch the ancestral line and heal so many more souls than you can imagine. More about the ancestry later. So, our upbringing is not always nurturing us as individuals or supporting our natural skills and talents that we bring into this world. Often, we grow up not tending to ourselves because we don’t believe it is worth it, or that we deserve it or we just don’t know better. As adults who believe we are not deserving of our own happiness and fulfillment, it creates discontent that we live with throughout our lives. Many of us never find fulfillment and don’t make our dreams a reality. So often, as adults, we don’t even know what we want anymore, or what our dreams even were. We often grow up feeling as if we don’t fit in, not in our families nor in school or later at work. We choose friends we think are good for us and mask our true selves with pills, alcohol and other destructible coping mechanisms. We may feel absolutely unhappy or unfulfilled. For most of us, finding a partner, having families and a good career are the goals. This lifestyle can distract us for years and years but deep down, we know there is something missing.

Happiness and fulfillment are inherent rights, and mindfulness / meditation can help us to get back to our roots, figuring out what those dreams are, what gives us joy, and what fulfills us. How do we become our authentic selves? If we only dare to be in the moment, not being run by our thoughts, but truly observant to the present moment, we give room to that voice from deep within our souls that we have been conditioned to keep quiet. We are able to heal old wounds and change our lives. We all have a calling and a purpose. When we find out what those are, we are able to get on the path that leads us to more happiness and fulfillment.

My own life was like that. I buried my dreams and wishes and grew up not really knowing myself. I had ideas that I was an empath, that I wanted to be of service to others, but that was not what I learned to do. Instead, I ended up in a dead-end job in the insurance industry and in relationships where I was always missing something. Even when I did have successes and wins at work, I didn’t feel joy. I was rigid, always anticipating the next blow and failure. I felt empty inside and full of anxiety. Every day was a struggle. I drank alcohol most days, took something for sleep and masked my fundamental unhappiness with occupying myself with silly activities that would distract me from misery. I never found any real rest or restoration and walked through life like a zombie. I believe many of us feel that way. I am an introvert and shy which is a double whammy and led me to fake my life in my community while being completely depleted of energy or joy. Becoming aware of the unhappiness and exploring the things that really give me joy felt like a rebellious act at first, but as I learned more and included mindfulness and meditation into my daily life, I began the wondrous and exciting journey to find my true self. If you are in a situation where you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around the people and situations in your life, let that be a sure indication that you are in the wrong place. Life doesn’t have to be that difficult and we all can find our true happiness and grow from the life lessons we encountered. I invite you to join me on this journey deep into your soul.

I am here to tell you that once I gave room to that inner voice and found out what brought me joy, my life changed, bit by bit. I started to understand myself and give myself room to grow. For most of us this breakthrough happens slowly, but with every revelation, however small, I felt happier and re-assured that I was on the right path. In fact, this journey brings joy as soon as we start out on it, as we discover our deeply rooted desires, however small each step seems, every new discovery about ourselves is confirmation that we are going in the right direction. Stepping out into public like this is the greatest risk I have ever taken in my life, but I feel a burning desire to bring my thoughts out. Since I have been working on this, I have created a new routine. As soon as I get up in the morning, whether it is at 5am or 9am, I make my coffee or tea and pace as I have many thoughts and I write. Sometimes, I write for an hour before I even pour my first tea/coffee. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and grab my journal because I need to write. This is new to me. I never had a diary or notebook that I regularly wrote in. So, I’m sharing with the world what I know, hoping to fill you with the same excitement that I have felt since I stepped out onto this journey.

Don’t be afraid to explore yourself, be curious and don’t judge as you explore the depths of your soul. It will lead you to greater fulfillment and joy, as you are getting to know yourself. Please check back soon for more blog content and guided meditations on Youtube. I have fallen a little behind because I went to Germany for July to see my family there. On my return, I started a new side gig that took my attention, but I promise, I will provide more very soon. Thanks to all of you for checking in.